Year 3 · Unit 10 · Lesson 4 of 5
One Task, Three Levels: See What Top Marks Look Like
Task: Write a story titled "The Storm".
Three students tell almost the same story. One answer is developing, one is good and one is excellent. What makes the difference?
Not the events, which are nearly the same. The difference is accuracy, organisation, and above all expression: how vividly the story is told. Read all three, then the notes.
Level 1 · Developing
The Storm
One day there was a storm. It was very bad. me and my brother was at home. The wind was blowing and the rain was falling. We was scared. Then the lights went off. My brother start crying. I told him not to cry. After some time the storm stoped and we was happy. It was a very scary day and I will never forget it.
Level 2 · Good
The Storm
Last Saturday, a terrible storm hit our town. My brother and I were at home alone because our parents had gone to visit our aunt. At first it was just heavy rain, but soon the wind began to howl and the windows rattled.
Suddenly, all the lights went out. My little brother started to cry, so I found a torch and told him stories to keep him calm. After about an hour, the storm died down and our parents came home. They were proud of how I had looked after my brother. I learnt that day that I could be brave when I needed to be.
Level 3 · Excellent
The Storm
The first crack of thunder shook the house like a slammed door. Outside, the sky had turned the colour of a bruise, and rain hammered the roof so hard that I could barely hear my brother calling my name.
Then the lights died.
In the sudden darkness, Sam's small hand found mine. "I don't like it," he whispered. Neither did I, but I was the older one, and our parents would not be home for hours. I felt my way to the kitchen drawer, found the torch and switched it on. A circle of yellow light trembled on the ceiling.
"Watch," I said, and I made a rabbit with my fingers. Sam giggled. By the time I had made a bird, a dog and a very unconvincing elephant, the thunder had rolled away into the distance.
When our parents finally burst through the door, they found us asleep on the sofa, the torch still glowing between us.
What the examiner sees
Level 1 · Developing
Content: a simple, relevant story.
Organisation: one paragraph. Expression: flat, repeated words ("very", "scared"). Accuracy: many errors ("me and my brother was", "start crying", "stoped").
Level 2 · Good
Content: clear, complete story with a lesson.
Organisation: paragraphs and linking words. Expression: some description ("the wind began to howl"), but mostly telling. Accuracy: secure.
Level 3 · Excellent
Content: the same events, made vivid.
Organisation: a one-line paragraph for tension; a satisfying ending. Expression: imagery, dialogue, show-don't-tell, varied sentences. Accuracy: secure.
The key move
From Level 2 to Level 3
Show feelings through action, detail and speech, instead of naming them.
See it done
1. Why is "Then the lights died." a paragraph on its own in Level 3?
A one-line paragraph stops the reader, just as the darkness stops the characters. It creates sudden tension.
2. Compare the endings of Level 1 and Level 3.
Level 1 tells the reader how to feel ("a very scary day"). Level 3 shows a closing image, two children asleep with the torch still glowing, and lets the reader feel the relief.
Common mistake: Thinking more events means a better story. Level 3 has the same events as Level 2; it is better because of how it is told.
10 questions with instant feedback
Choose the best answer. The three answers are above.
Level 1 · Developing
The Storm
One day there was a storm. It was very bad. me and my brother was at home. The wind was blowing and the rain was falling. We was scared. Then the lights went off. My brother start crying. I told him not to cry. After some time the storm stoped and we was happy. It was a very scary day and I will never forget it.
Level 2 · Good
The Storm
Last Saturday, a terrible storm hit our town. My brother and I were at home alone because our parents had gone to visit our aunt. At first it was just heavy rain, but soon the wind began to howl and the windows rattled.
Suddenly, all the lights went out. My little brother started to cry, so I found a torch and told him stories to keep him calm. After about an hour, the storm died down and our parents came home. They were proud of how I had looked after my brother. I learnt that day that I could be brave when I needed to be.
Level 3 · Excellent
The Storm
The first crack of thunder shook the house like a slammed door. Outside, the sky had turned the colour of a bruise, and rain hammered the roof so hard that I could barely hear my brother calling my name.
Then the lights died.
In the sudden darkness, Sam's small hand found mine. "I don't like it," he whispered. Neither did I, but I was the older one, and our parents would not be home for hours. I felt my way to the kitchen drawer, found the torch and switched it on. A circle of yellow light trembled on the ceiling.
"Watch," I said, and I made a rabbit with my fingers. Sam giggled. By the time I had made a bird, a dog and a very unconvincing elephant, the thunder had rolled away into the distance.
When our parents finally burst through the door, they found us asleep on the sofa, the torch still glowing between us.
1.Which answer has the most accuracy errors?
Correct. Level 1 has errors of pronoun case, concord, verb form and spelling.
Not quite. Level 1 has errors of pronoun case, concord, verb form and spelling. Answer: A. Level 1.
Not quite. Level 1 has errors of pronoun case, concord, verb form and spelling. Answer: A. Level 1.
Not quite. Level 1 has errors of pronoun case, concord, verb form and spelling. Answer: A. Level 1.
2."me and my brother was at home" contains:
Not quite. "me" needs a capital and should be "I"; two people need "were". Answer: B. errors of capitalisation, pronoun case and concord.
Correct. "me" needs a capital and should be "I"; two people need "were".
Not quite. "me" needs a capital and should be "I"; two people need "were". Answer: B. errors of capitalisation, pronoun case and concord.
Not quite. "me" needs a capital and should be "I"; two people need "were". Answer: B. errors of capitalisation, pronoun case and concord.
3.What raises Level 2 above Level 1?
Not quite. Accuracy and organisation lift it. Answer: B. it is accurate and organised, with clear events.
Correct. Accuracy and organisation lift it.
Not quite. Accuracy and organisation lift it. Answer: B. it is accurate and organised, with clear events.
Not quite. Accuracy and organisation lift it. Answer: B. it is accurate and organised, with clear events.
4.Why is "Then the lights died." a paragraph on its own?
Not quite. The short, isolated line makes the moment stand out. Answer: D. to create sudden tension.
Not quite. The short, isolated line makes the moment stand out. Answer: D. to create sudden tension.
Not quite. The short, isolated line makes the moment stand out. Answer: D. to create sudden tension.
Correct. The short, isolated line makes the moment stand out.
5."the sky had turned the colour of a bruise" is:
Correct. The unusual image suggests darkness and danger.
Not quite. The unusual image suggests darkness and danger. Answer: A. vivid imagery that creates a threatening mood.
Not quite. The unusual image suggests darkness and danger. Answer: A. vivid imagery that creates a threatening mood.
Not quite. The unusual image suggests darkness and danger. Answer: A. vivid imagery that creates a threatening mood.
6.How does Level 3 show Sam's fear rather than tell it?
Not quite. His action and whispered words reveal his fear. Answer: B. "Sam's small hand found mine" and "'I don't like it,' he whispered".
Correct. His action and whispered words reveal his fear.
Not quite. His action and whispered words reveal his fear. Answer: B. "Sam's small hand found mine" and "'I don't like it,' he whispered".
Not quite. His action and whispered words reveal his fear. Answer: B. "Sam's small hand found mine" and "'I don't like it,' he whispered".
7.Which ending is most effective?
Not quite. It closes with an image that lets the reader feel the relief. Answer: C. "...they found us asleep on the sofa, the torch still glowing between us.".
Not quite. It closes with an image that lets the reader feel the relief. Answer: C. "...they found us asleep on the sofa, the torch still glowing between us.".
Correct. It closes with an image that lets the reader feel the relief.
Not quite. It closes with an image that lets the reader feel the relief. Answer: C. "...they found us asleep on the sofa, the torch still glowing between us.".
8.Which criterion is weakest in Level 2?
Not quite. Level 2 is accurate and organised but tells more than it shows. Answer: D. expression: mostly telling, with few vivid details.
Not quite. Level 2 is accurate and organised but tells more than it shows. Answer: D. expression: mostly telling, with few vivid details.
Not quite. Level 2 is accurate and organised but tells more than it shows. Answer: D. expression: mostly telling, with few vivid details.
Correct. Level 2 is accurate and organised but tells more than it shows.
9."It was a very scary day and I will never forget it" is weak because it:
Correct. Endings like this are predictable and tell rather than show.
Not quite. Endings like this are predictable and tell rather than show. Answer: A. is a cliché that tells the reader how to feel.
Not quite. Endings like this are predictable and tell rather than show. Answer: A. is a cliché that tells the reader how to feel.
Not quite. Endings like this are predictable and tell rather than show. Answer: A. is a cliché that tells the reader how to feel.
10.To move from Level 2 to Level 3, a writer should mainly:
Not quite. How the story is told matters more than how much happens. Answer: C. show feelings through action, detail and dialogue.
Not quite. How the story is told matters more than how much happens. Answer: C. show feelings through action, detail and dialogue.
Correct. How the story is told matters more than how much happens.
Not quite. How the story is told matters more than how much happens. Answer: C. show feelings through action, detail and dialogue.
Lift the opening
Rewrite the opening of Level 1, "One day there was a storm. It was very bad.", in two or three sentences at Level 3 standard. Then compare with the model.
Your opening
Model: The storm arrived without warning. One moment the afternoon was still and heavy; the next, the wind was tearing at the shutters and the rain fell in grey sheets.
Next: the Lesson 4 exit quiz. Five questions, recorded on your dashboard. Aim for 4 out of 5.